[Trubmeisters] As the Beer Flows
Date: 2002-01-15 14:05

[Camera opens up with a primary fermenter overflowing after blowing the
poorly attached blow-off tube.  Music plays. Hey, what's our club theme
song anyhow?]

[Scene 1  Narrator talks.]

I know Steve sent meeting notes already, and it is very much
appreciated.  It would be great if everyone wrote a little article for
our group newsletter.  However, Steve and his schizophrenic friends
missed a few of the important events.  This soap opera would not be
complete without additional information.

[Camera zooms in on Brian & Betty's house as people trip and fall while
looking for a sidewalk in the dark front yard.]

There were a lot of new people at this meeting.  Since many of them were
not members, but rather friends of Brian and Betty (if we can use the
term friends), I won't go into details.  We did have one lurker from
this email list who showed up for what I think was her first meeting.
(See, you's guys can show up.)  Her name is Lisa (I think).  She has
responsibility for a 2 year old every Thursday, and can not make the
regular meetings.  I told her she could bring the kid along.  I did
remember to recommend she keep it away from Steve, George, and Jeff.
:-)

[Scene 2.  Camera scans empty house only to find EVERYONE in the
kitchen.]

The food was great.  Being more than a meeting made sure there were
lot's of extra things to eat.  Everything from smoked fish, to a meat
based slop, to chips and salsa, to little wienies, and of course there
were desserts that filled a second table.  All I can say is if you
weren't there, you missed it!

[Scene 3.  Camera moves back from kitchen and pans right.  Suddenly the
camera zooms in on a row of corney kegs.  The camera falls to the
ground.  Sideways screen shot of camera man pushing people aside to get
to the kegs with his empty glass.]

We had 6 corney kegs, 1 half barrel, a dozen bottles of beer, and half
dozen wine bottles.  There were also a couple bottles of whiskey, and a
gallon of cherry bounce.  I hereby make it a rule that cherry bounce be
banned from future gatherings!  Yes, my wife did walk into the house on
her own 6 feet.  I only saw 2, but she swore there were at least 6 to
keep track of.  With that selection of beverages, I would not know where
to begin describing them all.  I have to admit, one was an Orange soda
keg, but even it was pretty good.

[Scene 4.  Camera is moving from kitchen to dining room area.  We find 5
people seated, and one standing next to the corner of the table.  The
view seems to waver slightly from side to side.  Then begins to shake
violently.  Suddenly it stops and holds very still.  Camera man seen
walking past front of camera, again walking towards the keg row.]

I've read, er, I mean heard of this kind of thing happening, but never
expected to witness it myself! Dan and his wife's nurse were having a
little fun.  I've always heard nurses are more fun, but this was just
too much.  He squirted a white creamy stuff into her mouth till it was
full.  She couldn't hold it all in, and it dribbled out onto his right
leg.  She quickly licked the spill up.  I was shocked to see such
activities.  (It was Ready Whip ... What did you think I was talking
about??)

[Scene 5.  Camera zooms in on small group of people talking in the
kitchen.  He can not get close enough to hear what they are saying.  He
pans left, then right.  Realizes EVERYONE is STILL hanging out near the
food, and can not squeeze another single person in.  He quickly notices
there is a shortcut to the back side through the front room.  On his way
past the keg row, he stops to fill his glass.  Then quickly moves camera
in to get a better angle on the small private conversation.]

I was forced to promise not to mention something.  When that happens, I
can assure you that the event will not only make it into writing, but it
will make it into repeated issues. :-)  One of our club members is in
love with another member but they don't know about it yet.  I will not
let you know if this is a female or male.  Nor will I mention if the
other party is a female or male.  I am even going to leave out if the
unsuspecting recipient of this affection is Steve.  (You can be assured
it is NOT!)

[Fade out to commercial ....]
[Scene 6.  Camera has President of Vice in a close-up shot.  Pans left
to find him bantering with a guest who would be best left alone.
Luckily, she has a great sense of humor, and can handle him easily.  For
some reason the camera seems to be panning back and forth not paying
attention to the source of any conversation.  Then it zooms in on the
keg row, and goes blank.]

Speaking of females and males.  George was threatened with a bottle
brush by a guest.  Based on her parting comment about having a Hummer,
(She said she hums and pointed to her friend and said "her". ... Hum Her
... Get it?)  I assume George would not have enjoyed the Bottle Brush
game as much as it seemed.  He did call her bluff, but she declined to
play at the last second.

[Scene 7.  Camera moves around room to finally find there is room in the
kitchen.  While zooming in on center counter, it is apparent that the
food (although plenty) is starting to thin out a bit.  While moving
towards the living room and almost drunkenly shaking back and forth, the
camera tilts to the left and catches the far edge of the keg row for
over a minute.]

There is something about this club and dogs.  I missed the show, but
there was quite a crowd near the TV watching what I thought I heard was
a dog show.  I didn't see any of it, so I am not sure how much blood was
spilled this time, but it looks like we are going to have a regular dog
event.  I guess that will replace one of the "old" standard topics.

[Scene 8.  Camera goes outside.  It sees wonders that need to be
destroyed on the editing room floor before the supena shows up.
Although the view is exciting it seems that for every moment in focus,
there are three moments out of focus.  Then we see the camera man
watering a tree.  He doesn't seem to be able to stand up very well.]

In keeping with tradition, there was a fireworks show.  It was really
very good.  We need seats outside, because from inside (where everyone
was) you could see the thing shoot up, but never got to see the
sparklies fall down.  The Firemaster decided to angle the shots to make
them visible from inside.  I am pretty sure the Mequon Fire Department
salvaged most of the neighbors house.  But that one tree will probably
not blossom next spring.  The attempts to start a fire in the back yard
and throw 1,000 fire crackers into it failed miserably.

[Scene 9.  The camera begins to shake and bounce up and down.  We see a
view of the beautiful blanket host Betty is working on.  But not for
very long.  Camera zooms in on door to bathroom finding it closed.
Camera bounces near door for a few minutes.  Finally someone walks out,
and camera light goes off leaving picture in total darkness.
Unfortunately, the sound crew was not paying attention, and the sounds
of a zipper followed by water running are heard.  Finally, the camera
works again, only to see an image of the keg row and a wobbling camera
man filling a pitcher.]

At the end of the fire show, a couple of "boys" were in search of the
moon.  I think there were 2 moons, but it all happened so fast, I can
not be sure.  I was asked to display a moon too, but decided against it
as the last time I did, there were tidal waves from the immense
gravitational pull.

[Scene 10.  Camera is zoomed in on what appears to be a corner of the
ceiling.  You can hear the sound of repeated swallows and the crowd is
hollering Chug, Chug, Chug!]

After a little reminiscing, many were wondering what happened to the
original group of members.  We don't care about Scott (the original
frugal north), but where's AB?  Has anyone heard from hide or hair of
him lately?  AB, you are still subscribed, and the emails are not
bouncing.  Come on down to another meeting.  We all miss you terribly.
If you don't show up soon, we will tell about that time you (fill in the
blank).  What about Rob?  The guy who has the ring burnt in his carpet
from a red hot half barrel of wort.  Haven't seen him for a while
either.  If anyone sees either of these two bums, remind them we are
still a club, and the dues are even less than they were back then.
Besides, AB, it is your fault we have to eat food.  You should see what
you started has turned into!

[Scene 11.  Same view as last scene, but just regular party background
sounds.]

We also missed Scott, Julie, and Caden.  I hope the baby does not get in
the way of socializing.  I would hate to think we will not see either of
you for the next 18 years!  Scott, leave her home with the rug rat, and
come out and play.  She won't mind.  Even if she objects, just tell her
I said it was OK.

[Scene 12.  Still same view as last scene.  Near end of scene, we hear
the director asking where that drunken camera man went to.  Commercial
break.]

After months of wrangling and various power struggles, we finally had
the long anticipated Coup.  Five people voted for Janet to become our
new President.  Zero voted for Betty.  Of course, the noise in room when
that vote was asked for probably kept anyone from hearing there was even
a vote being made.  I checked, and there is nothing in the by laws that
say any members have to hear the call for a vote.  As a matter of fact,
I checked very closely, and discovered there is nothing in the bylaws at
all.  With that settled, Janet was announced as the new President for
life.  She protested profusely.  We mixed her another shot of soda in a
glass filled with whiskey.  She finally forgot what we had done to her,
and all is well again.

[Scene 13.  Camera is very unstable.  Seems like there are three of
everything in the view finder.  We see the collar of someone and hear
him ask "Do you need a ride home?"]

It looked like someone had attended a homebrewers garbage sale!  There
were door prizes galore.  A diamond in the pile of coal was a counter
pressure bottle filler (a real one this time).  There were also some
bottle brushes, funnels, hydrometer, and various other assorted toys.
It was interesting to see the guests who were not homebrewers select a
prize as their names were drawn.  I am not sure, but I think Steve was
the generous donatee of the pile of plastic, glass, and metal.  It
looked to me like MJ had told him to clean things out a little.  All the
income from those T-shirts has added up to a lot of tried and tossed
equipment.  This was our opportunity to get all of his used stuff.  I
suggest you clean it really good before using it yourself.  Especially
the funnels and bottle brushes.  I am not sure about the counter
pressure filler, but think like Steve for a minute.  What uses could you
find for it?

[Scene 14.  Camera is remarkably better.  Then we see the camera man
sitting near the row of kegs and a full glass in his hands.  Zoom in on
this for a moment giving the audience some time to figure out who is
operating the camera now.]

Speaking of Steve, and he is so easy to speak of, his loving wife shared
a little secret with us.  He really enjoys having his little weenie
capped.  I am pretty sure there was a picture of her demonstrating the
technique she uses.  It would be nice if the photographer would post
that picture so everyone can learn how.

[Scene 14.  The camera is zoomed in on a computer screen.  Everyone is
silent.  Suddenly we hear the President of Vice say, "You wanna see
it?"]

While on the topic of pictures, George wants to know if he can have his
Iowa trip picture back.  Whoever kept that one and posted it on
alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.george.in.iowa needs to get the rest from
him so the whole collection can be available to the world.

If you actually read this far, I will be impressed!  Just as a test, I
will ask what shirt Dan wore this month.  As a hint, it was not a
T-shirt!  And it wasn't a Ready Whip one either. :-)

Whew!  Is that all of it?  If it ain't, it is definitely enough of it.

[Credits roll]
[Some previews of next months episode.]

Will Dr Tammy clean Frank's bottle?
When are Jerry and Sam going to have that lager ready?
Is that Keg really gone forever?
How many licks does it take to get to the bottom of a glass of wit bier?

Next month is a Tour of Lakefront on the normal Thursday.  MJ, are you
staying on top of him, I mean this planned tour?  Is there anything the
rest of us need to do?  I heard we were going to meet somewhere
(optional) for a meal before the tour?  Who knows more about that?  (If
we had a proactive President, we would already know.)